Close To You
by sbnpb
Summary: Fluff/Romance. Set before mutual ILY, Syed exploring his feelings for Christian on a night in.


Disclaimer: Copyright of BBC EastEnders.

**Set sometime between Queen vic ILY and mutual ILY. Enjoy :) It's a bit of meaningless fluff! Syed's POV.**

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><p>We sit down on his sofa, my head tucked under his arm. His heart's slow, unrushed, but every so often when I move it'll speed back up. My heart can't help but follow. We sit side by side, one arm round each other's waist and the other clasping in front of us. He's so gentle, kneading my fingers with his, playing stupid games with our hands. Each time his fingers stroke mine, it elicits this tingling feeling – I can't describe it. It shoots right up my arm, like a direct passage to my heart. He seems to feel it too, because he's smiling at me with such adoration that I can't help but brush my lips with his. <em>I love you<em> I think for the millionth time tonight, and each time I think it, it shocks me. It's provoked by the slightest thing Christian does. I don't even think about it, it's this automatic response. It worries me, and whilst I feel this euphoric feeling when I think it, I also want to run away, so far away because I'm venturing too deep into this unknown place. I shake my head. _You're getting over excited, Syed, I say. Calm down_.

I refocus on his eyes, his perfect face, his amazing lips and I feel my heart contracting so hard it's almost painful. Except it's not; It's wonderful. And if I'm honest, right at this precise moment, I wouldn't want to be with anybody else, anywhere else. He breaks our contact and traces my face with his thumb, so carefully, and I lean towards his hand. I turn my head and kiss his palm, once, twice. And to him, it's as if I'd granted him all he'd ever wanted. He tilts his head, drops his hand, and we rest our foreheads together. We nudge each other in unison, rubbing our noses together playfully, pressing our heated cheeks together, our lips barely touching. Time is going so slow... in fact, there's nothing to prove that it hasn't stopped. No interruptions from the outside world. Nothing. Just us. Our breaths, our pants, sighs, whispers... It's all so heart heartbreakingly sweet that it takes the air from my lungs.

I want to speak, but there's only one thing to be said, and I can't do it. I know I'm being a coward, and it's not even that he doesn't feel the same way – it's because I can't bring myself to admit it. _God, I love you._ I tell him with everything but my voice, with everything but the only thing he can benefit from. I go for the safe option;

"I've missed you" I admit, but it feels such a heavy substitute for what I really mean. If I'm honest, he looks a bit annoyed, and I can't take that. Not today. "You're so beautiful" I try again, pressing butterfly kisses all over his flawless skin. He responds to this, capturing my mouth, gently biting my lips, and then my tongue meets his and we both sigh. He smiles at this and I think I fall in love with him a bit more. I push into him more, wanting more, the explosion of emotions almost becoming unbearable. I'm so happy right now and I don't know how it's possible to feel this way. Just when I think this can't get better he does this amazing thing and it starts all over again. I can't imagine a time where I will never _not_ want this. We break the kiss and he guides me back onto his lap, my head resting on his thighs, looking up at him. He's pushed his hand under my top and strokes my chest, up with his palm and down with the back of his hand, leaving it resting on my thumping heart. I know it's an affectionate gesture but I can't help but shiver with want. I slyly take his hand with both of mine and guide it slowly down further north, to which he just laughs.

"_Really_?" He giggles incredulously.

"What?" I ask, slightly defensive.

"We just done that! And anyway, I wan'na spend an evening with _all_ of you." I stick out my bottom lip and sulk, but really I couldn't care less either way, just as long as we're together. He ruffles my hair, but I smack his hand away with mock annoyance. He then grabs my fists with both hands and we're laughing hysterically as he tries to roll on top of me, avoiding my swift kicks and feeble punches. Suddenly we're sprawled across his slightly-too-small sofa, him above me, our faces so close together that our stomachs are pressed together. Oh. I'd forgotten how strong he is. I feel his breath, I smell his scent, I feel his gaze. I sense everything, and still I need more. We're both restless, we can't lie still, unable of keeping our hands off each other, unable to drag our gaze from each other. I feel like a child with him, I find everything funny, I'm ecstatic, I'm fuelled by pure joy. I search his eyes, from one to the other, and I feel slightly dumbfounded. It's surreal, being this close to someone. A horrible thought creeps up, wondering how I'd feel if this was Amira I was fooling around with. I stiffen, and he reacts.

"What's wrong?" He asks, concern lacing his voice, sitting up slightly to give me space, but I can't take it. I want him to make me forget, like he always does. I grab his shirt and pull him down, meeting his lips. I feel him pull away, and for a split second I feel distraught.

"Do you have any idea how much you mean to me?" He asks, and it takes me by surprise for a bit. Once my dizzy mind has processed his statement, my heart stops. I think he mistakes this silence for discomfort, and so he needlessly continues. "I mean, seriously? Sy, I can't imagine a life without you any more." Oh God. I'm going to cry. And it's at this point where I can't deny it any more; I know now that there will never be a single soul in this world who I will love more, never a human being who will make me feel more complete. I grasp his face, forcing our lips together and we passionately kiss, he slips his tongue into my mouth and it encourages me even further. I roll us over, put my knees either side of his waste and kiss down his neck, burying my head in the crook, inhaling him. _There's nothing that could ever compare_, I think, and continue the path of kisses to his chest.

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><p><strong>So er... that's it haha! Sorry it's so short, I wrote it in like an hour! Leave a comment for any other story prompts or ideas? Thank you x<strong>


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